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KIT HOLMES: Blog

Surrendering...

Posted on September 8, 2017 with 0 comments
Hi all,

Up until now, I haven’t felt a need to post anything about this. I’m in the middle of my first experience of having a parent come to the end of their life on Earth. Many of you have gone through this and know it’s an unpredictably emotional ride, even when you think you have time to process the inevitable outcome.
My mother went into hospice care several weeks ago. A long series of conditions and complications related to having Type I diabetes for more than 40 years... has taken its toll.

Intellectually, I can say, “Well, of course. Every one of us is a spiritual body in an ‘earth suit’ that allows us to experience what it is to be human and every one of us at some point will release our physical bodies. It’s been happening since the beginning of time.”
But the spiritual and emotional connection we have – regardless of the life experience – with our mothers is, well…
It wasn’t easy, but I’m grateful that I found the strength and courage several years ago to commit to changing the dynamics of our relationship. Choosing to break a generations-long cycle of living in fear and shame and beliefs in unworthiness has been a painful and often lonely ride, but it has been soooo worth the effort. I’m so grateful my mother found the courage to step up and meet me where she could along the way. I’m so grateful we made our peace with one another a few years ago.
Before getting on the road back to Texas Wednesday morning, I saw her knowing it would probably be for the last time. Her human “personality” was not present anymore, but her spirit surely was. I could tell she was probably already giving some fairly specific directions to whomever was in charge of the music program on the other side.
So, I’m back in my Texas home-base to fulfill gigs and commitments, feeling the pull of some of the old paradigms – shame and guilt in particular - as interaction with other members of my family-of-origin increases with every update about Mom’s condition. Everyone processes the experience differently, that’s for sure.
As my amazing wife reminded me this afternoon, the only thing I know to do is get quiet and…keep calling on you, my fellow spiritual warriors, to keep holding the light for my Mom, my Dad and the whole family. And, yes, for me, too – to keep reminding me of who I am and who I came here to be, knowing I’m where I’m supposed to be, doing what I can from where I am.
Thanks. I love you all.
Kit