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KIT HOLMES: Blog

You Just Don't F**&ing;Get It!!

Posted on August 15, 2017 with 0 comments

“You Just Don’t F**&ing GET it!”

In the movies (particularly in romantic comedies), there’s usually a moment where the exasperated protagonist shouts dramatically, “You just don’t F**&ing get it!!” to the object of his/her affection and storms out of the room. We see the confusion, fear and frustration as said object of affection is faced with the possibility that the star-crossed lovers will forever miss the opportunity to really connect. It’s a plot mechanism that’s been used countless times to keep the audience involved in the story.

Sadly in the real world, lobbing ‘y-j-d-f-g-i” like a grenade seems to be all the rage (and I use that term purposefully) these days throughout social media. It doesn’t take a lot of thought…or a lot of courage to do it. It’s an immature control tactic intended to “prove” that “I’m right and you are horribly, inexplicably wrong about everything.” End of discussion.

After lots of observations of heated exchanges on social media I’ve come to the conclusion that these condemnations are actually a defensive indicator that the one shouting the phrase either doesn’t ‘get it’ themselves or is really unskilled at explaining what there is to ‘get’.

As I was writing in my journal this morning a memory popped in about an exchange I had many years ago with a (then) close friend. Clearly, we weren't communicating very well and I found myself getting blasted with "you just don't f**&ing GET it!!" as this person stormed out of the room (slamming the door for dramatic effect).

Angry and stunned, I said to myself, "Umm…Well, duh..."

In the years since that frustrating exchange, I’ve gotten more mindful and wiser in my response to these flare ups. Now when one comes my way, I pause. I listen. I decide if the person flinging emotional poo at me really wants me to “get it” or just fling emotional poo at me. Unless its glaringly obvious that I’m dealing with the latter, I’m willing to see if there’s an opening for further connection.

I’ll respond sincerely with, “Well, clearly I’m not ‘getting it.’ Are you willing to help me to understand? I’m willing to listen and learn something.”

Now, If I ask you to help me understand your point of view and you can’t explain it (or more importantly, don’t want to) chances are you’re not too clear on it yourself. And if you’re not too clear, chances are you’re going to be a little scared by me recognizing that. I mean, how fun is it really to get called on your stuff? I know how easy it is to lash out when you’re scared. Been there a few times myself. Anger is a secondary emotion to fear.

But, if you respond with a sincere, “Let me explain why I did/said what I did…” or kindly with, “this is how I see it”, I’m all ears. This tells me you’re an emotionally mature individual and that you’re interested in having what was known back in the day as a “conversation” or “healthy discussion” about perceived differences or things we may both be figuring out as we go along.

Healthy discussion takes knowing – really knowing – what we truly believe, what resonates most deeply with us in our hearts, not our highly-conditioned egos. How many of us ever take stock or really review why we believe what we say we believe? It takes courage to dig into the dark places or admit when we don’t understand things. But the emotionally and spiritually mature do just that.

I like to know what makes people (including me) tick. That’s why I’m a songwriter. And a life coach. I love writing about and working with people who have questions. I believe (and I’m clear on why) there’s never a “stupid question” where real spiritual growth is concerned. I love having conversations about that.

Today, with the appearance of all the ugly, evil, chaotic and divisive emotional poo flinging in the world (and right in our own back yards), I invite you to take a few moments to get quiet. Turn off the news. All of it. TV. Radio. Internet. No newspapers or magazines. Get quiet. While that alone might seem a terrifying suggestion, you could think of it as a spiritual Tidy-Bowl moment: a chance to clean up some lingering waste that doesn't serve you anymore.

I invite you to ask yourself why it is you believe the things you do. Question your “why” every day. Better yet, I invite you to answer the six questions below every evening before you go to bed:

Who did I choose to be today? Who did I show up as?

What did I contribute to the betterment of the situation/your community/the world today?

Where did I model integrity, compassion and where did I express gratitude today?

When did I stop and think before I spoke? (Gold stars and A+++ for each time you did this!)

Why do I believe the things I do?

How did I help or serve someone better today?

Write your answers nightly in a notebook or journal.

Now, if you really want to see some powerful, positive changes in your life and in the world (and get much better at “getting it”) modify these questions into affirmations to start your day, every day:

“Today, I am here to be __________”

“Today I’m contributing ____________to the betterment of the situation/my community/the world”

“Today, I model integrity and compassion and express gratitude in all situations”

“Today I have scheduled ____minutes to stop, breathe and reflect. I always think before I speak!”

“Today, I know exactly why I believe the things I do”

“Today I am here to help and serve everyone I meet”

Practicing these affirmations, you might be amazed by how much more peaceful and joyful your life becomes in a very short amount of time. And interestingly, the world around you will also begin to reflect it. This isn't about burying your head in the sand or denying pain, unrest or injustice. It's about choosing your response to it.

What we resist persists. What we focus on we get more of. Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right - (said Henry Ford). These are spiritual and yes, proven mathematical truths. The Law of Mind Action (or Law of Attraction) doesn't just work some of the time for some people. It works ALL the time, regardless of how you feel about it.

So, I invite you to focus on the power of love, kindness, respect, compassion and forgiveness. It's clear to me a lot of you are already "getting" that. I'm so grateful and encouraged by it. Thanks for doing your work.


Thanks for reading. You rock! Wanna rock even more? Just click on the link below. It’s my take on creating a world that works for everyone:

THE BRIDGE

Enjoy!


Are you ready to get to the heart of what your heart really longs for? Ready to go all-in on living your dreams but need help letting go of the blocks that keep you stuck, fearful, angry or depressed? As a Certified Life Mastery Consultant and Conscious Creativity Coach I offer group coaching and private one-to-one programs to move you into living your most joyful and abundant life!

Because you’re subscribed to this blog, you’re eligible to receive a complimentary, 30 minute coaching session over the phone with me! Email me at rscpkit@gmail.com and we’ll set up a time to chat!

Knowing all the best is happening right now,

Kit Holmes